Reacting vs Responding

One of the main lessons I have learned from COVID-19 is how people have "Reacted" vs "Responded" to this crisis. In this post I want to explain the difference and encourage you to apply the healthy option not only to the current stressor of COVID-19 but to all other stressors that come up throughout life. This could be how we respond to a spouse or child, whether or not we give into a trigger for an addiction, deal with anger and so on. 

Reacting

• Emotion driven: When our emotions are intense and elevated we usually react. That reaction is usually negative and someone usually gets hurt emotionally and sometimes even physically. 
• Me focused (selfish): When we react, it is almost always from a selfish perspective. We are only occupied with our own thoughts and feelings and how we have been wronged. We are not aware of or even care about the thoughts and feelings of others. At least in that moment. 
• Instant gratification: We want results or to feel better ourselves NOW! When we don't get what we want we through a tantrum, I.E. we react. 
• Distorted thinking patterns: There is a whole other list of distorted thinking patterns. See video of 7 Common Distorted Thinking Patterns. 

Responding

• Calm: Remaining calm is key in learning to respond instead of react. This means that we are able to regulate our emotions effectively.
• Mindful: We are aware of our own thoughts, feelings and body sensations in a given situation and know when we need to get ourselves in a healthier state. 
• Others focused (compassionate): We are mindful and ware of how our response will effect those around us and we choose not to say or do anything that could harm them. 
• Delayed gratification: Responding means that we are able to take a step back and evaluate ourselves and our situation and sacrifice our own wants and needs until we are calm and have a healthy plan on how to proceed. 
• Having an intent: This means we have a plan and know our intent, which is free from negatively affecting someone else. 
• Thinking before speaking: We are are aware of any distorted thinking patterns that are coming up and we take the time to challenge them and get ourselves in a healthy state of mind. 

Do you "react" to situations or do you "respond"? What would others say about you? As I said above, going through this COVID-19 craziness, we are seeing a lot of reacting, hence we can't buy toilet paper unless we get in line at Costco at 4AM! People have clearly acted on the emotions of fear, uncertainty and stress. They have primarily been "me" focused, not thinking about the next person that may need those supplies or food. If society as a whole would have "responded" more, we would be in a little different situation. Obviously many good people have "responded" very well and very generously in this crazy time as well, and to them I am grateful! People are good!! 

I really like the following tool to help us Respond instead of React. 

​STOP: The One Minute Breathing Space

Share your thoughts and share this with someone that you think could benefit from it:) 

Make it a great day and make it a great week!